The Uncensored Amber

my heads funna splode.

2009-12-06T17:46:29Z

I don't kow what's wrong with me.
But something is definately wrong with me.
My prioritys are out of whack.
My friends are drifting.
Recently my head ALWAYS hurts
I don't know what to do anymore and that just makes my head hurt even more.

I miss when i could have a thought and that thought didn't lead to a major headache that last what seems like forever. I don't know what i want or even how to analyze my life. When im asked "how are you doing" i feel like gibberish is coming out of my mouth because i have no clue whats going on anymore in my own life. I wish i knew i really do but its wishful thinking. I don't know how to balance my academic life, my family life, my drama life and my personal life anymore. i thought i knew how to do that, was dead wrong. I act without thinking and answer questions without worrying how it might effect me in the future. I say things that should most of the time be kept to my self. My brain is like leaking out of my head and i want it to stop.

driz-ahm-ah.
The drama club recived a freaking EXCELLENT last night on our one act play wait wait bo bait. Shit man that is like BOSS! and tottaly worth the whole getting home late for like a month and a half. We worked out butts off and werent not even done. Theres gana be a show in like less then two days. A whole winter extravagansa including all of the preforming arts programs and what not yeah yay for that on tuseday and if i could think clearer im sure theres something else going on before winter break but uh yeah. thats all super awesome drama club it doing there thang and im loving it. Slightly stressful but it is what it is.

Ak-uh-dem-ick
Sooo my grades are horrible so i dont know why its stressing me out that much
i have a B 87% in tisdal - pre cal.... thats not bad, 3 more % and i will have an A..
i have a B 3.08 in sardians - ap human geo....thats not bad and with the project im going to turn in tomorrow it should go up significantly
I have an A 4.0 in volcy - physcology.... thing is im not on her best side because im constatly leaving her class for drama becasue thats smiths planning period and she always doing...something
i have an A 3.93 in ramsaur - american history and ive been feeling pretty confident about that class this marking period.... cant really complain
i have an A 100% in orbergon - physics but that has nothing to do with me at all that is like the biggest fluke that im not going to bother change. i havent been to his class in a min but again conflicting difference with drama.
i have an A 4.0 in acting 3 - smith....biggest fluke i refuse to look into.
i have a B 2.85 in wells - piano 1.....i do all the work and pass all the tests but one of the grades is classwork particiaption and i cant participate if im never there...conflicting difference with drama...
and i havent the slightest clue what i have in my ap english class which is a whole complicated situation ugh.
so basically half a's half b's most ofthe a's being flukes and b's could have been prevented... i feel like im not going to pass anything though because like i have TEN (exsuced) absents for volcy and Three (unexscued) absents for ap english.... that scares me a lil..

Fr-endz
so im like slowly drifting from my friends or vise versa idk. i miss my homegirl. we use to go to each others houses like all the time and help each other out with everything and tell each other stuff....now she only talks to me when she NEEDs to...deleted me as a friend on facebook and i know thats not a big deal i guess it just hurts... and when i try to atriulate my words to applogize to her again for ditching her that one time i just get a headache and its like ugh...

fuh-am-ly
so my familys been on my case about my personal life and drama life. and when my lifes mix its weird. idk if thats been the trigger to my constant headache but yo. they needa get off my dick. i mean their involvement in the drama club is G-code awesome great fantastic and amazing but like the thing is explaining everything but yeah least their trying. just like im trying . my moms been stressin me bout talkin to my step dad more... i talk to him plenty shes just ugh poking a bear.

pur-son-al
so lets say i have this puppy that loves and adore me and is always finding ways to prove his loyalty like a good little puppy but the puppy take out so much energy from me and needs constant love and attention and worrys alot and yeah isn't quite trainned...but then theres this dog that has been trainned and it cute and adorable and knows everything i like and doesnt require alot of love and care as the puppy, the dog isnt as affectionet as the puppy but im cool with that cuz the dog has been broken in thing is the dog is more of a stray and doesnt do collars. i rather have a stray dog that i dont have to constatly watch and be there for then a puppy thats not broken in and needs all my attention thats just whats up. im tired of these head ache and its cuz these damn k9z ugh and life i think im done my heads funna splode.

-On The Fence-

2009-10-29T01:54:38Z

I'm not sure if I have expressed my deep loath towards:
Smoke
Smokers
Smoking
And of course liars.

Sooo...when i told you that i didn't like those specific things (not being a long list to remember or anything) you decide to go and smoke anyways and then not only smoke once but twice... nice.. real nice.
Have to give you credit for telling the truth about smoking but to ask "oh would you be mad if i told you i was smoking"..really?

Hm... so this is when the script is going to flip a little... just know that i'm not sure how i feel right now.

[wknd]

2009-10-12T01:01:36Z

My weekend in a nut shell.
Friday night went to the beach at night for the first time.
Then went to see Stephen.
Then my parents went out so Stephen came over.
Saturday I went to an Anti-Domestic Violence walk and performed a pantomime.
Then got my hair done.
Then went on a limo ride to south beach, then Dave & Buster's then The Hard Rock.
Sunday I went to the Carnival Parade.
Then my mom let me drive by my self for the first time legally to do an errand for her.
Then I watch Animation Domination.

This weekend contained no homework what's so ever which was like the cherry
on a Sunday which was my weekend.
Even though I got like negative sleep this weekend it was enjoyable.
I'ma sleep early tonight tho lol.

So small revalation...

2009-10-01T01:34:27Z

I havent been taking nothinggg in my life seriously
not school
not family
not friends
ive (for lack of a better word) have just been living
that's it
with no concerns or regaurds for consequesnece
i mean dont get me wrong i have gotten my self a bit of trouble ever now and again but
nothing majorly life changing
i mean my phone broke in several different ways
and THAT enough ive been pretty apathetic about
havent even concerned my parents about a new one
yo i just mentioned to my mom how i didnt even wana take the psat
just cuz it was 13 bucks i didnt have
and shes all like but thats your future blah blah blah
if i hear more shit bout my future i swear- but i digress
yo tonights the first night i had MAD homework and im LJin my happy ass instead
thats how freaking apathetic i am
when i got home i wasnt even going to do it at all im like f this shit does all this really matter
do i need to go to college and shiz
am i that smart
man...
right now is all i think about
the right here
and right now
and all i wana do i jam to kid cudi
thats that shit right there
yo and it really grinds my gears when my moms tells me when to eat
like you really gotta control everything in my life as to tell me
when im hungry
yo....seriously?
and my moms keep stressin my hair
yo i like it bushy chill stop tryna tame it
i aint stressin nothing in my life
but usually when im sick for a long time
im subconciously stressin
so i needa figure out about what it is
i am indeed stressin
esrjhgkesdjrgfkdjtf
i guess this is a post of small revalations after others.
meh.

ambienice @ 2009-08-30T20:10:00

2009-08-31T00:15:47Z

I don't know why I do the things I do;
I just know that I can't stop.

Life's Too Short

2009-07-29T03:10:44Z

Life is too short for "what if's"
Take chances
Laugh hard
Live life to the fullest
Learn from your mistakes
Forgive and forget
Play with your inner child
Run in the rain
Have fun
Be ridiculous
Do something crazy
Fall in love
Walk around with your head held high
Open up your mind
Close your hatred matrix
Talk to strangers
Look at the world in a new way
Listen to nature
Wash your worries away
Watch time fly
Clean your mind from negative thoughts
Smile more often
Stop and smell the roses
Cry only when laughter induced
Try something new
Eat something strange
Speak your mind
Make daring choices
Give to those who need
Say what you mean to say.

...you get the point. :] <3

11:11, make a wish...

2009-07-07T03:29:35Z

So during my one week trip (which almost turned into a 3 day trip because of the intense heat) I found out that there's alot going on in my more distant family.
-The people that invited us for the wedding (my dads sister Delcee or something) didn't have us on the list for the reception; Flew over for the wedding and wasn't even allowed inside of the reception- nice.
-Accidently stole Uncle's hat.
-Other Aunt Merylin is having beef with Delcee because she wasn't even invited to said wedding and they live on the same island.
-Brother JJ got Celion pregnant. Celion's mom goes way back with my Aunt Merylin. Celion is over stressed and was emitted to a hospital in a chance the baby was going to miscarryed.
-Dad is on me like ants at a picnic about pregnency when it's my brother that he should be talking to.
-Dad's god son in nabraska goes to jail for the win.
-JJ get's eye damaged on the job and doesn't file for an on the job incicent report and let's his eye get maddly infected.

that's all i can remember from my trip but there was something new every flippin day and I'm just glad to be back in miami where it's not over 100 degrees everyday and i have A.C.

since i've been back i realized my phone stopped working as soon as i texted
"I'm on the plane now and if I don't make it I wanted you to know that I love you." to someone because my plane was having alot of technical issues before even leaving the gate. Obviously I made it but the thing is I don't know if he texted me back or not because while on my trip i didn't get any calls or messages which is pretty lame. Scared to just text him about it asking what he responded to said text or if he did at all or if he even recived it-- yet life is so short. eh.

Tomorrow i'm going to the library (how fun) to finnaly get my summer reading book.

I'm starting to wish I took school more seriously-- which i find odd seeing how its summer. Steve and Max just seem to have the college thing down pack as for me I failed the freakin FCAT and still don't know what I wana do with my life. I know waiting till the last min to jump into something I don't care for isn't the wisest thing to do but I have a feeling that I'm going to end up like that. My parents are so confident that I'm not only going to college; I'm going to a big ol' fancy college out of state. Gah.

I still don't have a job and now I have zero moneys to even get around to look for a job.

11:11
one. i wish i didn't have to worry about college stuff ever ever ever.
two. i wish i didn't have to worry about pregnancy shit for a long long time.
three. i wish my phone recovered all the missed text's over the past week.
four. i wish i was more serious about school.
five. i wish i had a solid family with a mommy and a daddy; not a mommy a daddy i never see and a step daddy that makes me feel bad.
six. i still wish i didn't miss him so much.
seven. ~~i wish my little sister wasn't sleeping in my bed.~~ i wish i was sleeping in my bed right now.
eight. i wish i had some strawberrycheesecake icecream to indluge in right now when chocolate chip is my favorite.
nine. i wish life wasn't so complicated.
ten. i wish to go with the flow of things.
eleven. i wish that all of your wishes come true.

<3msjz.

"Time is running out."

2009-06-23T03:51:40Z

I think that in life we come across at least 60 choices, within an hour...at least. Some choices we have to make right then and there quick fast and in a hurry! That choice could change the outcome of your whole day or it could just change your hunger levels... either way its going to effect you one way or another. Other choices you can sleep on, think of all the pros and cons of each choice and think logically about what you want from the situation. Then there are some choices that you don't even mean to make, it was decided on a whim! You just let go of all your ambitions and shame and made a choice from a pure adrenaline rush! Weather the choice was to have a tuna sandwich for lunch, knowing you hate fish or was to dive into a cold pool with all your clothes on or even sneak out of your house to go to a kick ass party, never regret anything. Because everything happens for a reason.
WHELP, update since last week:

Haven't gone job hunting since last post.
LEAST favorite uncle stole my car battery (still in question about it's location.)
Haven't built up the nerve.
My sleeping patterns have gotten ridiculous (4am-2pm)
Miss the drama kids desperately.
Feels like I've been living out of my room...(moar like a prisoner.)
Failed at reading. (level 2.)
Had a really cool father's day at the uncle's spot.
Missed my last chance to see practically the whole troupe.
Before I know it the 'o9 drama alumni will be leaving left and right.
Been thinking heavily on how life is short and how the best things are done on a whim...

What my week looks like:
-Tonight: Hopefully sleep before 4.30...
-Tuesday: Go job hunting damnit.
-Wednesday: Get hair done. // start packing.
-Thursday: Moar job hunting damnit. // "Mmm burger." // Laundry. // Moar packing.
-Friday: Last minute packing // "On the plan we go" // Sister is off to college.
-Saturday: "Starts of new beginnings." // Mentor is off to college.
-Sunday: Officially in the islands.
-Monday: Attending Aunt's wedding.
~To be continued...~

2nd Week?

2009-06-16T03:58:43Z

Not much has changed.
Still on lock down kinda sorta.
Haven't seen any drama kid since June 4th and it seems to be killing me on the insideee.
I've been doing a hella lotta chores just so I can attend THE JUMP OFF BABY.
There is a 51% chance of my attendence.
I've cleaned my room part by part alot. Lookin good if I dont say myself. Even though I cleared my computer desk and it's messed up already lol.
Umm... I've been memorizeing random words and what not... in sign.
I've gone Job hunting almost everyday since my last post and have gotten disappointed on so many levels.
...BUT MY HOPE HAS NOT DIED!
Going to look for some more hot spots in my area for a job, but tomorrow will be my refractory period before hitting up the emplyment world.
And yeah... just liked the idea of a weekly update of my gastly summer.

I miss my freaking drama kids! Gahh

First Monday Of My Summer...

2009-06-09T03:04:35Z

Sooo my summer I guess is off to a rocky start.

Cons:

Didn't go to Julio's.
Rain.
Had $9.20 to pay for an overdue book.
Library didn't have the book I needed.
Can't go to Pascale's.
Miss THE Drama Kids.
Was blocked by a Drama Kid on Twitter.
On lock down for the rest of the summer.
Miss him ~~already~~.
Needa learn how to make a resume.
Lack of money.

Pros:

Sister bonding time.
PS2 gaming time.
Entertaining baby cousin.
Set up pool.
Rain smell.
Going to see about a job tomorrow.
Ice cream.
Tv time?

So yeah... I'm thinkin i can at least balance out the cons to pros by next week.
Hopefully...
With any hope...

"Becareful what you wish for" ...

2009-06-02T02:32:29Z

"It's the first day of the month. If you could have one wish come true this month, what would it be? "

So Amber can't just have one wish... So here's an accumulated list (not in any specific order) :

To be able to see every drama member every day of this month.
To stay in contact with every senior once they have departed...
To have an adventure everyday i leave my house.
To have ~~more~~ freedom.
To get a job.
To finish my car.
To HAVE a summer.
To not miss him too much...
To have peace at mind by closing one chapter before starting a new..
To finally live life to it's true fullest.

Erm there it is... My wish list. Let's see how many i can get to come true...

<3msjz.

Not skipping, not skipping at all.

2009-05-01T17:57:20Z

-I have asthma.
-Lot of elephants in rooms.
-I've been sick since January.
-I think I failed my Spanish quiz.
-I have an imflamed lymph node.
-It hurts when i swallow my own spit...
-My stomach is death defyingly acheing
-States was overally cool for my first year.
-I have more time to type this than i anticipated.
-...How many weeks untill the seniors leave? =/
-I'm currently in my PE class. Not skipping at all.
-Enjoys not skipping and still being able to loung.
-Antibotics smell like pee, but don't make my pee smell.
-I'm understanding things in my math class again, SUCESS!
-He keeps making my day with the little things he does in a special way.
-I think i did fairly well on my Chem test considering that I didn't study at all.
-Knowing that he cared that I went to the hospital sorta made me feel like someone.
-My coach is taking alot more time to get back in the portable than I would have guessed.
-Starting to wonder why LJ isn't blocked at school but everything else is. Not a complaint tho.
-Was planning on going home early today but decided to chill with my girls afterschool instead.

Whelp!

2009-04-08T03:13:02Z

Blargh!
I feel like posting more nonsence! :D
I don't really have anything to say or post about just yeahhh~
I'm not extremely happy-- nor extremely sad.
I'm extreme nutural... to the EXTREME!
My week has been me trapped in my house which aint the beezkneez
We got a new washer and dryer! Scine I'm the only one that does laundry i guess it was like a gift to me?? Idk XP
Umm I'm looking forward to tomorrow, get to get out of the house and well it's kinda important lol.
I wana go beaching thursday pero... well i don't see it happening.
My knee hurts... the wound has opended up again so i peroxided it.
I thank im getting my hair did saturday, several hours in a hot enclosed area... yay.
I haven't noticed how much the TV replays the same episode of shows, pretty feezy.
He if i make a lot of typos on this it just kinda stops trying to correct me! xD
Sooo about this Isidor thang, i neva really knew him but i knew people who knew him so i guess it's weird.
I so wanted this week to be epicccc~
I still can't figure out how to do the cool dolphins thing to my laptop like El Jush-o and i dont wana bother em
I've been eating junk like no bodys business! Would'nt be suprised if i gained a few ya know
I kinda cleared off my comp. desk! found ALL of my states recieipts! Lol

WHELP! I guess that's about it, I'll keep posting the more and more bored i get brah =P

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--

2009-03-25T22:55:43Z

CCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

THIS IS SOME BULL SHIT!
He doesn't fucking know how fucking important this is to me!
HE JUST WANTS TO FUCKING LAY IN BED
WTF!!
I told him about it yesterday!!!
I DONT WANA HEAR SHIT
And my mom's not even in town and when i call her all i get is lip and more bull shit FUCKKKKKK MAN

now i can't fucking go to states
this is some grade A motherfucking bull shit. I cant go becuase my STEPdad doesn't wana get out of bed and ruin his nap.
Fuck this shit
________________________________________________________
okay... so I had to cry and beg and plead but my dad gave me the money and i am indeed going to states. :]

When life gives you lemons...

2009-03-25T12:42:32Z

I'm currently quite disappointed in myself along with some sort of pride in responsibility.

Up side:

Today is Even.
Drama All day.
Open Mic Afterschool.

Down side:

Farquhar's gana beast.
I feel like being a major bitch.
Tomorrow is odd.
I'm immune to the only medicine in my house.
I'm ashamed of myself.
I make the same mistakes over and over again.
I strongly dislike ignorant African American males.
My mind is shutoff.
My stomach hurts.
I have a head ache.
I need a drink of water.
I'm still phone less which doesn't help anyone especially me.
I'm doomed to an eternity of loneliness.

Obviously there seem to be more cons then pros... And I must take it upon myself to find more pro's through out my day and or make more pros.

-Billybobilly might be gay... which is both shocking and expected.

Shocking because he doesn't have "Gaydiation" and expected because it figures Amber sure knows how to pick em... eh

When life gives you lemons make roast beef.

...So.

2009-03-16T23:59:49Z

I've had a revelation, an enlightenment, and new understanding.
Change shall come in the near future. For the better. For the greater cause.
"If I knew before what I know now" ; "Lost in translation"

So I Had A Weird Dream Last Night...

2009-03-15T13:29:20Z

Erm okay this dream right.
My little sister was playing on the PS2 in my living room with Max. I was eating cake in the kitchen. I asked Max something about the PS2 system. Then Max said something to the extent of "If anything I'll build you a birdhouse." Then the door bell rang and when I went outside it looked like it just rained and Mallory was there outside of the gate with braces and her hair up to the side. My dad was at the front door with my little cousin TJ. Mallory ran in the gate yelling something like "Ohhh! Look a park!" Then ran past me. Then I woke up.

Yeah it wasn't like a deep dream, just found it to be weird.

I'm Sofa King We Todd Did!

2009-03-12T01:01:16Z

GAH I suck!
I give up. I officially give up.
Fack it.

I can't not stop being weird; I can't not stop being a drama kid.

I'm tired of failing.

Fack it.

Nine.

2009-02-26T03:47:44Z

Brief overview.

My head hurts often due to the number of thoughts that go through it per min.
I'm often sleepy.
Things don't turn out as planned... ever.
Drama has bitten off more than it can chew. (Club wise)
I look forward to the little things in my day.
He is complicated, I am complicated, the situation is complicated. Life is complex ; but it's not that serious.
I fail at "To-Do" listing.
Soy muy solo.
I picked the number nine because I happen to have 9 tabs on my desk.

Roller- Coaster.

2009-02-21T03:27:45Z

My day was an odd roller-coaster... literally.
it started off pretty good - had a sub first block
got better – earned an A on my 2nd block test
didn't go to my 3rd block - thumbs up
had fun at lunch - pandemonium.

Didn’t go to my 4^th block – eh.
got intelligentcated- smith learning

..and then i got hit by a bomb shell from, what felt like, no where.

and smith could see something was wrong with me as soon as it happen

i swear i didn't know i was so easy to read.

Gah and the bad part is that I have no clue how to approach the situation

It’s like, “do I apply heat or cold?” , “do I take the bullet out or leave it in?”

Part of me wants to pretend like nothings happening

But the other part knows that not going to fly.

I locked my bag in the drama room – thumbs down

After school I went to Mcdonalds – thumbs up

Then picked up to go to Arby’s – thumbs up

Went back to school and played “Kill Marry Sex” – thumbs up

Got a ride from Adriana – thumbs up

Cracked up with Adriana, Melissa AND there mom the whole ride – two thumbs up

Made my own mother laugh by being myself around her for once – four thumbs up.

Perhaps...

2009-02-18T02:43:35Z

Perhaps not knowing is best for the soul ; Ignorance is bliss.
I'll just leave it alone. Whelp phase one once again is a gogo.

You've Got To Be Kidding Me!

2009-02-14T18:35:09Z

These are real laws!
I personally find them entertaining ; CX

+ Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
+ Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
+ It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
+ You may not release gas (fart) in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
+ A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
+ You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows
+ It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss
+ It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep
+ It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home
+ You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words.
+ You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
+ Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
+ You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
+ It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
+ No more than six girls may live in any house.
+ Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
+ One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.
+ Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.
+ A man with a moustache cannot kiss a woman in public.
+ "Spiteful Gossip" and "talking behind a person's back" is illegal.
+ By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
+ Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."

=D Lol.

Uhhh... No, It's Not Technically Lying.

2009-02-14T02:08:07Z

웃 ♥ 유
...(?)

     Yeahhh I came onto LJ today with the initial reason of putting all my troubles, problems and sadden situations on blast but then I thought... No one cares, so why bother. Now instead I'm going to post things that people won't be interested in but rather read than my sob story.

> I'm getting my 6th period switched to Drama 2 dawggg~ :D
> I currently have 5 A's and 3 B's
     - Which will look sweet on progress report cards
     - Prime time to ask for money pertaining to states fee's
> It's a three day weekend = Sleep = WIN!
> About three more hours till Friday the 13th is over!
> I found three dollars in my calculator today! :)
> I feel confident in the 2nd class actors :3
> Christina's birthday is on Tuesday =D
> Jean (Lu) Mendez's birthday is TOMORROW! =D
> I'm trying to mask my pain with meaningless joy. :]
> I talked to my dad today. (birth)
> There's an early release this upcoming Thursday.
> My mom (most likely) will get me new shoes tomorrow.
> Only have homework for half of my classes ; most being more or less of the easy desire.
> Tomorrow is my favorite number. 14, just not so much my favorite day.

Whelp that was that, and yes I specifically made 14 main bullets because that's my favorite number and I'm a loser. If you went back and counted the bullets, just know that I'm quietly chuckling at myself. And OH I need to remember no more lollygagging in the drama room during the beginning and end of 7th period if I want an "accidental" run in with _____. xP
Again yes I'm a loser but at least I'm no longer an emo lozerrr~ . (Hopefully, Never Again.) Showing emotions is for the weak that don't have mask's! (Smilelys and symbols are my internet mask ^_^) Fake it till ya make it, believeable that is.

THANKS ELIES <>< ! and or hyphen slash Nadine ಠ_ಠ !

HOW THE HELL!?!?!?!

2009-02-09T03:02:42Z

FACK!!!
FACK!!!
FACK!!!
FACK!!!
FACK!!!
FACK!!!
FACK!!!

I don't Effin see how adults can take an 8 year old's word over mine
SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT!
He was simply kicking me off the bed in a playful way and in an 8 year old's eyes ITS BADDDD
She said that he was putting his foot in my ass trying to rape me WTF he was kicking me off the bed!!!iejskbrdfsejkkdxrjfgnseklzjdkflgjsdxkjfbglkrdjxbflgrdkfjxtgjkrtfg I DONT SEE ANY CORRALATION!
Now I'm not even allowed to be around him. His dad said when I come over he can't be around me Ludacris!
She probably doesn't even realize wtf she was saying or the meaning of it! She most likely doesn't know wtf rape is and how seriose it is and how its not a term to be freaking thrown around like that.
AND THEN TO FREAKING REPORT IT TO HIS DAD AND HER DAD LIKE SHE JUST WITNESSED MURDER GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
And when my mom ~~talked~~ lectured to me about it - it wasn't any better. She made me sound like a slut
WHEN I DID NOTHING AND NOTHING HAPPEN! She drifted off talking about guys in general

No one even asked me what happen they took MY LITTLE SISTER'S word for it when she was just looking for attention. Fack man.

Just makes me like him more knowing he wouldn't ever freaking rape me.
Makes me like him even more than that knowing I'm not allowed to be around him.
Even more than that knowing that he likes me.

SO STICK THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT!

Initiative.

2009-02-01T01:30:03Z

I really need to be more assertive when it comes to my school work. I'm pretty sure I've said this 100 times before but I'm going to keep saying it until it sticks.

- I have the propensity to not go to class // Solution: Stay away from the drama room during the day.
- I have the propensity to push homework off for the last min. // Solution: If/When nothing going on, go home early.
- I have the propensity to not focus in class // Solution: Turn phone and or hyphen slash iPod off in class.

This third and fourth nine weeks (ESPECIALLY 3rd!) I really need to start buckling down. I have no self control. Which is an increasingly bad thing. Good news is that I'm no longer in denial about it. I have homework up the wah-zu this weekend and Saturday has come and gone as a very unproductive day. These "To-Do" list are no longer effective. But I have to reconnect a plug or two up stairs (my brain) to get back in the habit of things.

To-Do List (That will have everything crossed out!)
~~> 30 Math Questions~~
> Study Muscles
> At Least 10 Questions Off Muscles Test Review
~~> Study Notes/Do Now's/Chapter 5 For Chemistry~~
~~> Page 166-167 # 17, 18, 32, 33, 35, 37, 38, 48 From Chemistry Book~~
> Page 90 In Vocabulary Book
~~> Biography Intro Project For Farquhar~~
> Start Looking In Newspaper For Vocabulary Words
> Read Some Of The Biography For English

I am so determined to cross off everything on this list before Monday February 2nd, 2009 At 8pm.